The Westmorland Gazette Sat Apr 18 1829 18 Apr 1829 An Irish Innkeeper - A recent sketch

18 Apr 1829 An Irish Innkeeper - A recent sketch

ENGLISH GENTLEMAN;        Holla - House LANDLORD:   I don't know any one of that name hereabouts. GENT:        Are your the master of this inn ? LAND:       Yes, sir, please your honour - when my wife's from home. GEN:          Have you a bill of fare ? LAND:       Yes, sir, surely - the fair of Kildorery is next week, and Ballyspugmolane the week after. GENT:        Tut  - how are your beds ? LAND:        Very well, thank you, sir. GENT:         Is your cellar good ? LAND:        Never a finer port in the three kingdoms, sir, than Cork harbour -and sure I'm quite convenient to it. GEN:           Have you any mountains ? LAND.        Yes, sir, plenty - the whole country is full of mountains. GENT:         Have you any porter ? LAND:        Have I, is it ? - I'll engage Pat is an excellent porter; he'll make out any place at all. GENT:         But I mean porter to drink. LAND:        Oh, sir, he'd drink the ocean - not a doubt of that. GENT:         Have you any fish ? LAND:         They call myself an odd fish. GENT:          I think so.   I hope you're no shark ? LAND:         No, sir, indeed - I'm not a lawyer. GENT:         Have you any sole ? LAND:         For your boots and shoes, sir. GENT:         Psha ! - have you acy plaice ? LAND:         I have not, sir; but I was promised one, if I'd only vote the way I did not at the last election. GENT:         Have you any wild-fowl ? LAND:         They're tame enough now, for that matter - for they have been killed these ten days. GENT:          I must see myself. LAND:         And welcome, sir - I'll fetch you a looking glass in a minute.

 

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