The Northern News March 26, 1898 March 26 1898 Fun, Facts, and Fancies

March 26 1898 Fun, Facts, and Fancies

FUN, FACTS, AND FANCIES. INTERESTING ITEMS. Cotton of twelve different colours grows in Peru. The richest man in England is the DUKE OF WESTMINSTER. The oldest tree in the British Isles is the Brabourne yew, in Kent, 3,000 years old. There are more theatres in proportion to its population in Italy than elsewhere in the world. The largest known tree is in California.  It is 275 ft. high and 106 ft. in circumference at the base. Spain has more sunshine than any other country in Europe, the yearly average being 3,000 hours. The Crystal Palace, Sydenham, accommodates more people than any other building in the world - it will hold 100,000 people. The two biggest fire engines in the world are in Liverpool;  they can throw 1800 gallons of water a minute and a jet 140 feet high. There is a herb growing on Mount Lebanon and in the surrounding country which is said to stain a bright yellow the teeth of all animals that feed upon it. ______________________ HE KNEW HIS MAN. Editor:  " Why did you not print that smart article of SPOONER's about the cracked millionaire scattering money along the streets ? " Sub-editor:  " I saw through it.  If it had been true, SPOONER would never have written it. " " Why not ? " "He would have been walking after the millionaire instead. " _______________________ NO TIME GOING TO WASTE. "Willie, what does that man want out there in the hall ?" "He's waiting to see you, but he says there's no hurry." "How long has he been there ?" "About half-an-hour." "Who is he ?" "He's the plumber.  He's come to do some work you spoke to him about the other day, but he says he'll wait till you're --what are you hurrying for papa ?" _______________________ ROUGH ON THE LAWYER. Country Client:  "Look here, MR. SCREWEM, I want you to write a threatening letter to a man up our way for £10 he owes me." Lawyer:  "How long has he owed it to you ?" "Over a year.  I've written dozens of letters to him, but he won't pay up." "Have you applied to him personally ?" "Rather:  every time I see him.  Why I saw him in town this morning, and when I asked him for the money, he became abusive and told me to go to the devil." "And, what did you do then ?" "Oh, I came to you." ____________________ UMPIRE WENT HOME. The half-wit of our village knew very little about cricket, but, as we were short-handed, we took him with us as umpire. We had first innings, and were unfortunate enough to lose two good bats in the first over.  In half-an-hour six wickets were down.     When the seventh man came in , the bails had disappeared, and after searching in vain, our Sammy found them in his pocket.  As he brought them forth with a pitiful look, he pointed to the bowler and said, "Tain't na use o' putting them on again.  That chap keeps knocking 'em off every time.  I'm going home."     And he went. ______________________ SHE GOT IT. An amusing incident recently occurred at a grocer's shop.  The packets of tea exhibited in the windows of the shop in question are dummies, made of wood.     A lady who wanted some tea, refused a packet from those kept in racks behind the counter, as she said they were different from those in the window.  The manager, recognising the fact that she would only accept those from the window, was forced to gratify her wishes.     The packet was duly wrapped and the money was taken, but the purchaser was evidently ashamed of herself, as she never returned the block of wood, for which she had paid tenpence, the price of half a pound of tea. ____________________ THOUGHT HE WANTED EXERCISE. Stranger (who has yelled himself hoarse over Jink's telephone, without getting a reply):  "See here, I can't do anything with this telephone." Jinks (with an air of innocence):  "Did you wish to speak to anyone, sir ?" "Oh !  It has been disconnected for about a month." "Disconnected ?  You didn't say anything about it." "I thought everyone knew we had disconnected our telephone on account of the bores.  I didn't know you wished to talk to any one sir.  I supposed you merely desired to exercise your lungs." ______________________ ENTIRELY TOO FORMAL. Dolly Swift:  "Young Mr. Pensmith, the editor of the "Weekly Visitor", has just made me a written offer of marriage." Sally Gay:  "He is a handsome fellow.  What will be your answer, dear?" Dolly Swift:   "He is handsome, I'll admit; but I shall be forced to decline him with thanks.  He's too horridly business-like.  After requesting an early answer, he added:     ' Please write abriefly, to the point, and upon one side of the paper. Sign your full name, not for publication, but merely as a guarantee of good faith, and do not forget to enclose a postage stamp if you desire a reply. '     "Sally, a man like kthat would calmly smoke while the baby fell downstairs." __________________ A WONDERFUL LAKE. Among curious things is a crop of corn which grows in a field actually covering a subterranean lake.  At one time it was an open body of water, on which was accumulated vegetable matter, which had been increased from time to time, until now it has a crust sufficiently strong and rich to produce fine corn., though it has to be cultivated by hand, as it is not strong enough to bear the weight of a horse.     While idling, the field hands catch great strings of fish by merely punching a hole through the earth.  A person rising on his heel and coming down suddenly can see the growing corn shake all around him.     Anyone having the strength to drive a rail through this crust will find on releasing it that it will disappear altogether.  The fish caught here differ from others in not having eyes or scales;  in shape, they are perch-like. _____________________ A KNOTTY PROBLEM. "Why, Ethel, what are you doing with that big medical work on your lap !" "Well, Arabella, you'd never guess.  I am quite sure." "You are not going to make a physician of yourself, are you ?" "Not at all.  I am trying to find out which of my two suitors I love enough to marry.  What do you think of that ?" "How can a cyclopaedia of medicine help you ?" "Well, it's this way.  Mr. Oldspoon is 57 years of age.  He is worth £80,000 and has consumption.  Mr. Dukkats is 65 years old.  He is worth £100,000, and has heart disease.  I thought perhaps this medical book would help me to make up my mind.     I have about decided that I love Mr. Dukkats the better. Which would you love ?"

 

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