For the Most Amusing Local PARAGRAPH,
INCIDENT, or ANECDOTE, Sent in to reach
the "Gazette" Office on Tuesday Morning every


The following note has been received from last week's prize winner: -

Dear MR. WINDROSS, - I was very pleased on Thursday monring when I saw I had
won the prize in the "Gazette" for the best anecdote.  Please send me an
order on C. D. GORDON & Co., King-street, Whitehaven. -- I remain, yours
truly,  HARRY WALKER, Rottington.

The order has been forwarded.



A clergyman was much troubled by one of his congregation, an old gentleman,
falling asleep during the sermon.  Wishing to cure him of this bad habit he
offered his grandson a penny if he would keep his grandfather awake.  The
boy agreed, and all went well for a month, when one Sunday the old gentleman
went to sleep as usual.  The clergyman sent for the boy, and asked him why
he did not keep his grandfather awake.  "Oh," replied the boy, "you offered
me a penny to keep grandpa awake, but he gives me twopence not to disturb

JOSEPH HIRD, Holling How, Eskdale.


"I wish I was in heaven !" said a peevish old wife at St. Bees to her
patient husband, as they sat by the fire one winter's night. "Thou's far
better by thy own fireside.  What wad ta de theear ?  Thou's nivver

JOHN H. WARWICK, The How, Seascale.


One day as a tramp was coming along a road, he met a greengrocer's cart
laden with fruit and vegetables, and was given a few tomatoes.  When he got
to Whitehaven, he went into a public house to beg, and going to the men who
were drinking, he said "I'll bet you a pint that I can show you something
that you have never seen before and will never see again."  The man
addressed, thinking it must be something queer, replied "Done".  The tramp
put his hand in his pocket and brought out a tomato, and said "Have you seen
this before?"  "No," replied the man.  The tramp then put it in his mouth
and ate it, and said "Do you see it now?"  "No," said the man amid the
laughter of the others.  The tramp got his pint.

J. WILSON, 46, Newton, Whitheaven.


An amusing story is told about a worthy vicar of a parish not many miles
from Egremont, who had waxed eloquent in the interest of foreign missions
one Sunday, and was surprised on entering the village shop during the week
to be greeted with marked coldness by the worthy dame who kept it.  On
seeking to know the cause, the good woman produced a half-crown from a
drawer, and throwing it down before the vicar, exclaimed -- "I marked that
half crown and put it in the plate last Sunday, and here it is back again in
my shop.  I knowed well them n*****s never got the money."

WILLIE LANCASTER, 30, Church-street, Moor Row.


At a hotel not far from Ravenglass, a little boy was sent by his father to
shut a door;  hanging in the way were some hams.  Not getting it shut very
quickly, his father called:  "Be quick and shut that door."  The little boy
called out:  "I can't shut it father;  there is a leg of bacon in the way."

HAROLD IRWIN, Pennington Arms, Ravenglass.