"SCREAPINS"

Them two sarmons yea printed seems to hev caused a bit o' toak in t' toon, this last day or two, thears nea doot bit wat they'll hev bin read be menny a lot o' fwoak 'at wad nevver think o' gaan till t' Church ta 'ear a sarmon preech't, an' Ah wish they may hev dun a lot o' gud.

Ennyway nea body can deny 'at thear wants summat deun tawards rebildin' t' oald Church, its a fine sham hevin' a fine oald spot like that layin' in ruins for sec a time, wats happen't they cant start ta bild wid t' munney they hev in hand.

It seems raider daft like ta want aw t' munney in beoor they mak' a start, wat thear's lots o' Churches and Chapals up and doon t' cuntry, 'at is'nt awtidder paid for; an' than, if they mead a start, Ah hev nea doot bit wat menny a body at's hingin back wad shill ott.  An than, thears oalas a lock o' hundreds to be raised wid a bazaar for a job o' that kind, an' Ah's sure thear's lots o' fwoak beath riddy an' willin' ta help for a object like that.

Mister Hodgin sed in his sarmon last Sunday neet, 'at sum fwoak wad'nt giv' becos t' style did'nt suit them, an' udders was'nt giv' becos t' tooer wasn't gaan ta be high aneuf for them, an' sum for yah thing an sum anudder, bit thear's a gud lock o' fwoak 'at thinks that is'nt aw at's keepin it back.

Ah wad like ta naw hoo it is 'at t' Rector cant giv as much as'll finish t' rebildin'.  Ah think (an' menny a hundred besides me thinks) 'at he hes t' meast reet o' ennybody ta be a bit oot, seen wat he's gittin' oot o' t' job.

It's a fine thing for him sitting thear, gittin' his two thoosan' a 'eer or mair, and deun nowt, or next ta nowt for it.  Ah wish Ah hed sec a job, Ah deu that.  Ah naw if Ah cudn't deu my wark, Ah wad suin get t' shift, an' nobbut reet owder.

As sure aw thur lands, an' munney, was nivver left ta mak enny yah man rich, they war nivver left ta keep a fella sittin' in his parler, far fra it;  as far as Ah can mak oot they war left ta deu sum gud, ta "spread ye Gospel"; bit thear isn't varra much Gospel spread oot of owt 'at was left till St. Michael' Parish is thear.

Sen rittin' t' abuv, Ae've heeard 'at t' Rector's tean a turn for t' better, and fork't oot a laal bit;  he's likely heeard tell 'at t' "Star" was gaan ta shine on him, a bit, or else Ah dooan't think he wad hev shifted enny.  Hooivver, Ah think wat Ah've 'ritten 'll stand gud yit, an Ah whope 'at wat he's given 'll be fooar-runner of a lock mair.

It was a queer dodge of "Mister Dodge" ta tak off wid t' surcus lass, wasn't it ?  Ah've offen heerd tell of a "dodge for dinner", but yea seah this was a "dodge for a "Cook".  Bit he hesn't been a "Artful dodger" or else he wad hev dodged hissel clear o' t' oald chap; it seems t' lass likes her "Dodge" weel aneuf, seah he mun "still keep hopin (no dodgin) on" an mebbe efter a bit he'll sukseed in turnin' t' "Cook" intil a "Dodge", and' than he'll be aw reet.

Man alive thears aw maks o'ways o' makkin' a leevin'.  While Ah was thrang wid "Screapins" this morrnin', thear was sec a grand nock com' till t' dooar.  Ah loupt up an' leukt at t' wife, an' she fell off hur seat an' leukt at me.

As seun as Ah gat me wind Ah ses "woa in the name of goodness can that be ' nay.  "Ah dooant naw" ses t' wife, its a terrible fine nock, mebbe its t' Prince o' Wales, or Lord Lonsdale, or sum of them big chaps, cum ta ask tha nut ta put owt aboot them in t' "Star".  "Well," ses Ah, "Ah'll hev to see woa it is ennyway", seah away Ah gaas an' oppens t' door, "Gud mornin' sur, " ses a fella drust in varra seedy claes, "Mornin" ses Ah, varra shwort, for yea see Ah was mad at bein' disturbed be a fella like this.  "Ah's travellin' wid real furst class mangles, an' if  ..."

"We want nea mangles ear" ses Ah. 

"Well can Ah supply yea wid a sowin' masheen?" ses he. 

"No" ses Ah.

Than he wantit to naw if "Ah hed a family Bible," 

"Aye, and a family anaw" ses Ah.  "Seah if thats aw yeave boddert meh for yead best be gaan."

"Well if yea like mister Ah can".

"O, git away wid tha", ses Ah, an' Ah clasht t' dooar reet in his feace, Ah naw it was rude ta due this, but Ah was that mad.  Ah cud hev clasht him as weel as the door.  Just fancy being boddert ta deeth wid sec fellas as these.

Ah was that mad Ah hed ta tak a turn ootside befooar Ah cud finish this, seah if thears owt rang wid wat Ah've pick't up this week, yea naw wats t' cause o' it.

                                      'PICKUP."

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