Carlisle Journal 08 Dec, 1899 Borrowed Trifles

Borrowed Trifles

Borrowed Trifles How to pass base coin.   -   Don't pick it up. She: " A burned child dread the fire, it is said."  He: "Oh, I don't know; many widowers marry again." An old maid suggested that when men break their hearts it is all the same as when a lobster breaks one of its claws - another sprouts immediately and grows in its place. Sunday School Teacher (telling of the Deluge): "And then it rained for forty days and forty nights."  Johnny Uptedatle:  "Were the farmers satisfied even then?" Idealistic.  Askins:  "What makes you think that anonymous novel was written by a woman?"  Grimshaw:  "Why, when the hero sprang from a cab he flung the driver a shining gold piece and didn't wait for the change." The Reason. Tom:  :I say, Bob, can you tell me how many beans make five?"  Bob: "That's simple, Tom; but I'll give you one.  Why does Kruger always ride or drive?"  Tom (after sundry guesses):  "Give it up, Bob."  "Because he can't walk over Rhodes." Grim.  An old gravedigger, in a village at the foot of the Grampians, was complaining of the dulness of the times.  "Man, John, is trade that bad wi'ye?"  said a sympathetic neighbour.  "Bad!" returned John, bringing his staff down with an impatient gesture, "I havena buried a leevin' sowl this sax weeks!" Commercial News.  Not long ago a large grocer's shop was being opened.  A small boy happened to be the first customer.  The boy whispered in the manager's ear:  "Twa hap'nies for a penny"  The manager, in a hearty mood, turned round to the employes, and said: "Coats off, men; business has commenced." Misfit.  A countryman saw for the first time a school girl go through her gymnastic exercise for the amusement of the little ones at home.  After gazing at her with compassion for some time, he asked a boy near if she had fits.  "No," replied the boy, "them's gymnastics."  "Ah, how sad," replied the man;  "how long's she had em?" .....

 

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